In the cold, blustery October weather, we warmly celebrated our victory while bundled in winter coats and hats. For the second time in school history, we had won the Eastern Dakota Conference (EDC) meet, the first time being the year before. Powered by three runners in the top 5 and all of our scorers in the top 20, we defeated the snow and all of the Class A schools in the eastern part of the state, and we were elated.
We were having one of the best seasons in our school's history. Our coach subscribed to a 90s approach to training, which featured low mileage and multiple intervals sessions each week. The training regimen we followed was a great way to develop high school speed without a strong emphasis on long-term growth. We spent years developing a core group of runners that would regularly violate one of the principles of distance running: taking easy days easy. We would hammer many of our daily runs and intervals, leaving us with enough speed to fight through a 5k. In 2007, we started working our way through the conference ranks; in 2008, we won the conference meet for the first time through the puddles of Rose Creek in Fargo; finally in 2009 we were ranked as high as 2nd in the state (behind perennial powerhouse Bismarck High) and were on the verge of something special. We combined it all together and got the 'W' in Grand Forks at our first of two big meets- things were looking up!
Our celebration brought us to the local Walmart on our way out of town. Knowing next-to-nothing about nutrition and in the midst of celebrating, we purchased obscene amounts of unhealthy snacks- especially Little Debbie's. We hopped on the bus and headed for the interstate.
I-29 between Grand Forks and Fargo might be the most boring stretch of interstate in the United States. This 60-mile stretch stands out for being particularly flat and desolate. The road is full of sugar beet trucks and speeding Canadians. The countryside is painted with wheat, corn, soybean, and sugar beet fields. Every few miles are railroad towns that had as many as 200 people during their haydays. Halfway between Fargo and Grand Forks is the metropolis of Hillsboro, which I've heard might even have 40 kids per grade at the school. If you struggle with falling asleep, drive I-29. Trust me, it was also my drive to and from college, so I'm quite familiar with it.
Naturally, a celebrating team on a barren stretch of road needs to flex its teenage testosterone, right?
Right????
The outwardly proud West Fargo Packer Travel Bus entered I-29 in its usual state: the coaches sat in the front, followed by the girls team, and then the boys in the back, arranged by seniority. A plan was concocted, and we passed our snacks to the seniors in the back. Some food was thrown towards the front of the bus, but it didn't generate a sufficient reaction- the boys needed MORE. We looked out the window and saw a car coming in the distance. As it approached, the seniors prepared for strike. The car moved left to pass the bus and closed the gap. The senior grabbed a snack, held it out the window, waited for the opportune moment, and dropped it right on the hood of the car.
Nailed it!
Most of the boys were hiding underneath their seats, trying to avoid laughing loud enough to attract attention up front. Our assistant coach, Brad, was looking at us through the front mirror and he KNEW something was up. We laid low for a while to let things cool off before planning the next assault.
The target was sighted. The next car behind the bus had seen the tragedy previously, and was hesitant to pass, fearing the same fate. The bus was going slow, however, and they needed to get around. Sensing their predicament, our seniors prepared for another launch. Suddenly, the car moved left in a burst of speed and went for a quick pass. Our seniors, hiding, jumped up and released the snack.
BAM!!
Right on the windshield!
The car continued speeding forward to get past the bus, and then made a fateful decision: they tried to clear the Little Debbie's Swiss Roll from their windshield by activating the wipers. This accomplished exactly one thing: it smeared chocolate all over the windshield while they sped away We couldn't contain our mirth and started making a commotion in the back. I caught the Assistant Coach's eyes in the rearview mirror, and he looked displeased. He slowly, calmly moved his head side-to-side. I hid behind my seat. Younger athletes a few rows up were starting to pick up on the festivities and wanted to watch- we were being exposed!
Meanwhile, the seniors had already identified a new target. Behind our bus, a semi driver was spaced well beyond normal following distance, clearly holding back after seeing what befell the vehicle in front of them. A short discussion begun, with the topic being how to approach this new challenge. The resulting strategy was executed by one of the senior captains- he reached out of the window (holding a snack, of course), and threw the Little Debbie's snack far into the air, where air resistance and decreased momentum knocked it away from us, while gravity started pulling it down.
The wise driver, drawing upon previous knowledge, visibly swerved on the interstate, even though the projectile fell short of the target. The driver then slowed and gave us even more space. We fell back beneath the bus seats and suppressed our laughter again. With no targets in range and an assistant coach looking at us with deathly hawk-eyes, the plug was pulled on the operation and we resigned to finish the ride home in relative peace.
As we entered the Fargo area, we went through a small area of road construction and everybody was moved from two lanes into one. A state trooper was sitting in the median, looking for speedsters. As we went past, the trooper suddenly flew onto the interstate, got up behind our bus, and flipped the lights on. Our bewildered bus driver moved over to let the officer pass, but quickly learned that WE were the ones getting pulled over. Simultaneously, the semi behind us and the car in front of us (the one that had a direct windshield hit) pulled over as well; they both must have called it in.
S***
All of us immediately sought refuge behind our seats, knowing that this was NOT going to end well, because there was nowhere to run, nowhere to hide- we were screwed. Some of the athletes in front looked back, confused. Most of the girls, however, looked back with that 'what STUPID thing did you do this time?' look. Our head coach's face was turning purple. The officers stepped up the stairs of the white travel bus with "West Fargo Packers" painted proudly on the side, while car after car sped past.
"Whoever is throwing food out of the windows needs to come up here NOW."
..........
We were silently panicking. What now? We were dead to rights with no escape. Two hours ago we had won the conference meet and now we were pulled over on the interstate with cops ready to drag us out of the bus by our ears! I heard some quiet expletives behind me as those who actually threw the snacks were sweating bullets. Our assistant coach was not impressed:
"If you did it, GET UP HERE NOW."
.........
After another short pause, our two senior captains stood up and walked slowly to the front of the bus. The officers spoke briefly to them and then they all walked off the bus and towards the car in front of us. Immediately, hushed whispering started throughout the bus, until our head coach cut through the noise:
"When we get back to the school, boys stay after. We're gonna have a talk."
.........
S***
My phone vibrated; I read the text message:
'Is that you guys pulled over? Is everything ok?'
A friend from Kindred who ran for Fargo North had just driven past in the Fargo North bus and seen us on the side of the road. The embarrassment was beginning to set in as tense conversation began to grow in the bus. We were in SO much trouble.
The captains had to apologize to each of the drivers for their actions, and then they were let back on the bus. The story is that they were each fined for "distributing rubbish". Each of them was suspended from the next meet, which is a meaningless meet tucked in between conference and state, so they were each able to run at state. Our head coach chewed us out a little bit, but we still got into further shenanigans throughout the rest of the season.
Maybe it was karma, but we went into the state meet that year ranked 2nd in the state, but we crapped the bed and ended up finishing 7th. Either way, let it be known that in the fall of 2009 a group of cross country runners got their bus pulled over by the cops for throwing food out the bus windows at passing traffic. No wonder we had a reputation for being knuckleheads.....
End
P.S. I partook very little in the many of the events we got in trouble for. I was always kind of a 'walk-the-straight-line' athlete, and I never really liked the culture and team atmosphere as I went through the program, but few things beat having a crazy story to tell!
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